Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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