Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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