Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
