Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
