all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
