Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
