you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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