it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
not ubering you a puppy
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
