i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize