im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
