I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
