the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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