Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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