I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
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