just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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