Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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