i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Umm I'm too high to move.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
