i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
