I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
