wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
