I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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