what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize