dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Randomize
