Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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