My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
