yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
