Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
