You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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