Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
