I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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