Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
