I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
