There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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