DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
