I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
