the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
