I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
