I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
