Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
