we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
