His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Randomize
