I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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