If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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