so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
