were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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