I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
