You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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