I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
