WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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