Can i not drive my cunt home
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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