She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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