It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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