I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
