4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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