I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
