I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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