I only kidnapped one of them. chill
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
