as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
