Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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