Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
