some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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