i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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