I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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