Nicole vs. Life
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
