we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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