His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
be right there i have to get my cape
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
