Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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