I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
