Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
