My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
