Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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