I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
