so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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