apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
