Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
