So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
