Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize