found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
and you fell through a lawn chair
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
