I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize