The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
