Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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