she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
