Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
