I wanna bring you to show and tell
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
thus making me awesome and them whores
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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