Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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