Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am spending my child support on dildos
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
