before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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