when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
