I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
