bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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