You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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